Hiyo again
So it's been a billion years (or around that)
And a damn lot has hapened in life generally but it'd take me donks to write it so i'll stick to things most on my mind right now.
1: jesse is a bloody amazing person
(i've probably complimented her too much on here cause then when my other friends read it it might be hurtful? maybe im too full of myself. anyway. i really love you all equally though - yes, maybe my love for jet is stronger, different, but i also get super pissed at her sometimes and it kinda evens out? well no it doesn't i cant say i love you all equally - every love is so totally different. theres a quote something about 'you can never have the same love again' which is totally true and makes me feel better when i'm trying to work out my feelings.)
but back to the point - i've just been reading her blog and she's just so strong and passionate and it makes me feel kinda lost because i'm not that passionate about anything. but she's so inspiring because like, she loves japanese and gets jealous of someone better at it, then takes that as a motivation, an inspiration, to study harder herself, even going to the teacher and getting extra homework to improve - and to think i was jealous of her beating me? she loves it so much more, puts in so much more, i'm nowhere near that dedicated to anything but im so proud to have her as a friend and inspiration and to give me hope i'll find my 'calling' because honestly i have so many ideas for my future but i know there'd be a dissatisfaction in all of them and i'd always be so full of regret. so i guess i should live in the present and sometimes i do.
hey here's a better idea than ranting (which always leads somewhere sad)
2. list of self-care/nice things i do for myself
So it's been a billion years (or around that)
And a damn lot has hapened in life generally but it'd take me donks to write it so i'll stick to things most on my mind right now.
1: jesse is a bloody amazing person
(i've probably complimented her too much on here cause then when my other friends read it it might be hurtful? maybe im too full of myself. anyway. i really love you all equally though - yes, maybe my love for jet is stronger, different, but i also get super pissed at her sometimes and it kinda evens out? well no it doesn't i cant say i love you all equally - every love is so totally different. theres a quote something about 'you can never have the same love again' which is totally true and makes me feel better when i'm trying to work out my feelings.)
but back to the point - i've just been reading her blog and she's just so strong and passionate and it makes me feel kinda lost because i'm not that passionate about anything. but she's so inspiring because like, she loves japanese and gets jealous of someone better at it, then takes that as a motivation, an inspiration, to study harder herself, even going to the teacher and getting extra homework to improve - and to think i was jealous of her beating me? she loves it so much more, puts in so much more, i'm nowhere near that dedicated to anything but im so proud to have her as a friend and inspiration and to give me hope i'll find my 'calling' because honestly i have so many ideas for my future but i know there'd be a dissatisfaction in all of them and i'd always be so full of regret. so i guess i should live in the present and sometimes i do.
hey here's a better idea than ranting (which always leads somewhere sad)
2. list of self-care/nice things i do for myself
- stretches and some yoga before bed with scented oil burning (which my bro brought back from bali for me :D)
- when i can't sleep - close my eyes and imagine myself into all the beds i've slept in in my life, on holidays, at friends houses, in tents - and feel the warmth of those people and those adventures.
- cut, file, buff and wax my nails so they're all fancy and shiny ( i sometimes paint them but then i have to take it off again when it chips (the next day) which is so annoying)
- dye my hair cool colours which makes me happy because people notice me and compliment me and i feel like im expressing myself because i get so bored of being a boring person who your eyes just skim over and pink hair helps
- wear perfume (this freebie sample one (its running out D,,:) which reminds me of japan cause i wore it there and i get flashbacks to gorgeous places and people) and smell fancy and nice all day
- exercise to my favourite songs and feel really refreshed and fit and watch my arm muscles growing (theres this tumblr gif i can no longer find that inspires me - a girl online chatting to two guys and one flexes his arm at the camera and she pulls up her sleeve and flexes a tattooed, more muscly arm back at him and the guy gets really embarrassed and they all laugh and its great)
- watch pirates of the carribean special features and fantasise about being on set because they have so much fun /cries
- reward myself with chocolates when i study
- put stickers on the ceiling above my bed
- lie on my bed and watch animals out the window and listen to the weather
- look at my maps collection and imagine all the places i'm gonna go
3. mardi gras!!!
it was on my birthday (its a sign) and i didn't go but i swear to god i will next year and i've been looking at photos and it looks so fUN! also i really want more ear piercings cause i look really hetero (stupid stereotypes, i know) and hate people assuming i'm straight but i like my hair too much to cut it.
4. tattoos~~
yew!!!!!!! some many ideas but we'll see. i just love the idea of memories which you can put under your skin and wear and admire daily and people say it'll be disgusting when you get old but no it won't it'll just remind me of all the things i've done and people i've been. i want to get tattoos of all the really important people and events and places (symbolic things, not exact pictures of them). my current ideas: a pair of small ankle ones of my parents (a snake and a cloud or black cockatoo maybe), a childish-style car (like the one we had when i was little and we went car camping) towing a trailer house across my hip (to remind me that living in a trailer house is/was my dream and i will do it someday and as a memory of passions as a teen), jesse's drawing of me with wings on my lower back to remember her and my friends and myself and the fact that people are momentarily mesmerised by those little flickers of flame despite my own belief that my wings are small and inadequate, one of the flower from my favourite jeans (mainly just cause it'd be a cool tattoo) but also to remember dem sexy jeans (jks).
and i probs wont get all of them or maybe not any of them but i'll have something and it'll build throughout my life and i'll be a living (badass) artwork
