Horizon Metaphor Wahooo

I ought to be studying, but here's a quick update anyway...
I'm about to finish school! Isn't that crazy? (It's crazy.) And I looked out to sea and thought, (cliche coming up I warn you) it's like ive been rowin' my lil' boat of life out across the ocean so far, and now im reaching the horizon, like the end of the world with that crazy waterfall from Pirates of the Carribean 3, and I could fall off that edge into some other world, or perhaps if I keep rowing, and build myself a set of wings, I'll fly off the edge into the clouds and rainbows of uncertainty. Nice metaphor? I think so. It motivates me, anyway. I've gotta row really hard, just at the moment, to get these exams done, but after that i get a schoolies and a trip to Europe as a lil' rest from rowing, in which I review my boat and the distance it has taken me, and start getting together my materials to build me a set of wings and float off into the sunset.
So with that, I shall go work my butt off for a few more days. Who knows when I'll next revisit this blog, but disclaimer: all past posts are a record of ways i used to think and re-reading them, I find it tempting to edit out things I now disagree with or am uncomfortable with, but instead, I'm gonna leave it all out here because, hey, character development!

Jesse / Nice Things / Mardi Gras / Tattoos

Hiyo again

So it's been a billion years (or around that)
And a damn lot has hapened in life generally but it'd take me donks to write it so i'll stick to things most on my mind right now.

1: jesse is a bloody amazing person
(i've probably complimented her too much on here cause then when my other friends read it it might be hurtful? maybe im too full of myself. anyway. i really love you all equally though - yes, maybe my love for jet is stronger, different, but i also get super pissed at her sometimes and it kinda evens out? well no it doesn't i cant say i love you all equally - every love is so totally different. theres a quote something about 'you can never have the same love again' which is totally true and makes me feel better when i'm trying to work out my feelings.)
but back to the point - i've just been reading her blog and she's just so strong and passionate and it makes me feel kinda lost because i'm not that passionate about anything. but she's so inspiring because like, she loves japanese and gets jealous of someone better at it, then takes that as a motivation, an inspiration, to study harder herself, even going to the teacher and getting extra homework to improve - and to think i was jealous of her beating me? she loves it so much more, puts in so much more, i'm nowhere near that dedicated to anything but im so proud to have her as a friend and inspiration and to give me hope i'll find my 'calling' because honestly i have so many ideas for my future but i know there'd be a dissatisfaction in all of them and i'd always be so full of regret. so i guess i should live in the present and sometimes i do.
hey here's a better idea than ranting (which always leads somewhere sad)

2. list of self-care/nice things i do for myself

• stretches  and some yoga before bed with scented oil burning (which my bro brought back from bali for me :D)
• when i can't sleep - close my eyes and imagine myself into all the beds i've slept in in my life, on holidays, at friends houses, in tents - and feel the warmth of those people and those adventures.
• cut, file, buff and wax my nails so they're all fancy and shiny ( i sometimes paint them but then i have to take it off again when it chips (the next day) which is so annoying)
• dye my hair cool colours which makes me happy because people notice me and compliment me and i feel like im expressing myself because i get so bored of being a boring person who your eyes just skim over and pink hair helps
• wear perfume (this freebie sample one (its running out D,,:) which reminds me of japan cause i wore it there and i get flashbacks to gorgeous places and people) and smell fancy and nice all day
• exercise to my favourite songs and feel really refreshed and fit and watch my arm muscles growing (theres this tumblr gif i can no longer find that inspires me - a girl online chatting to two guys and one flexes his arm at the camera and she pulls up her sleeve and flexes a tattooed, more muscly arm back at him and the guy gets really embarrassed and they all laugh and its great)
• watch pirates of the carribean special features and fantasise about being on set because they have so much fun /cries
• reward myself with chocolates when i study
• put stickers on the ceiling above my bed
• lie on my bed and watch animals out the window and listen to the weather
• look at my maps collection and imagine all the places i'm gonna go

3. mardi gras!!!
it was on my birthday (its a sign) and i didn't go but i swear to god i will next year and i've been looking at photos and it looks so fUN! also i really want more ear piercings cause i look really hetero (stupid stereotypes, i know) and hate people assuming i'm straight but i like my hair too much to cut it.

4. tattoos~~
yew!!!!!!! some many ideas but we'll see. i just love the idea of memories which you can put under your skin and wear and admire daily and people say it'll be disgusting when you get old but no it won't it'll just remind me of all the things i've done and people i've been. i want to get tattoos of all the really important people and events and places (symbolic things, not exact pictures of them). my current ideas: a pair of small ankle ones of my parents (a snake and a cloud or black cockatoo maybe), a childish-style car (like the one we had when i was little and we went car camping) towing a trailer house across my hip (to remind me that living in a trailer house is/was my dream and i will do it someday and as a memory of passions as a teen), jesse's drawing of me with wings on my lower back to remember her and my friends and myself and the fact that people are momentarily mesmerised by those little flickers of flame despite my own belief that my wings are small and inadequate, one of the flower from my favourite jeans (mainly just cause it'd be a cool tattoo) but also to remember dem sexy jeans (jks).
and i probs wont get all of them or maybe not any of them but i'll have something and it'll build throughout my life and i'll be a living (badass) artwork

Homophobia

It's been too long. That's okay, though.

 I've been busying myself with tumblr when I'm meant to do homework.
And I enjoy tumblr and fuck school because where does it really get you anyway?

Careers can go die in a hole because all I want is a shitty cafe job which earns me enough to buy pencils for writing and a tiny apartment with a girl i love and a rainy day to cuddle and eat sweet food or drink hot soup. That's what life's for, isn't it? It isn't about high pay and bad days but people watching and learning and loving and exploring and being happy.

Happiness. In a pdhpe assignment (the teacher is an absolute fucking fuckwit, can i just say that) one of the suggested personality traits was 'happy'. It's not a trait. Positive is a trait. Happiness is not a constant. it's a rare and amazing state where for a moment you're truly smiling and you notice how wonderful the world is for a minute. That's what I live for.
So should I really get off the internet and do maths questions which make me hate myself and life? no i fucking shouldn't.

and for your benefit I shall explain why mr o'brien is a fuck. yesterday we learnt the sumba. and he said we had to do it with the opposite sex for the assessment. we questioned it extensively and argued until i gave up because i was starting to cry.
he justified it by saying 'it would be like in a maths exam if you sat with a friend and shared answers. it'd be cheating. the teacher would say you can't do that because it's an individual assessment'. At that point Chanse and I aggressively pointed out in unison that it wasn't an individual assignment, followed with not-so-quietly whispering 'you fuck'. He continued with bullshit backups and I started to tear up so I just turned away and ignored him and almost walked out of school but I knew we had src elections later (and thats a proper way of dealing with it).
He said 'I want you to be comfortable with your sexuality, but..' and Chanse and I were just like No you fucking don't you dick' to each other. He ended asking 'is that fair enough?' and Chanse and I had both just turned away from him but Jam said 'Yeah, that's fair' and I know she was just doing it to silence the argument but it pissed me off so much because it wasn't fucking okay.
He hates us but fuck him and I really hate pdhpe and don't want to do the assignments now.
Then I asked to go to the bathroom while they learnt the whatever the fuck the dance was and just stood in front of the mirror for a while feeling nauseous and realising what a horrible and homophobic place the world still is. As i walked into the toilets though lizzy smiled at me and I almost cried (im almost crying now) because it was the most sympathetic and loving smile dear god.
it was an interesting experience though because living primarily on tumblr and with a very accepting group of friends has made me forget homophobia and he showed me a taste of what i'll be dealing with all my life. fuck yay. he is such a fucking discriminatory prick and he's super nasty to everyone I hate him with a passion I'm actually shaking. fuck.

anyway. sorry. bye.

Taste of independance

Okay so the other day I left school early because i had free periods and got a bus halfway home, where i went to a cafe. I have no experience of coffee and don't like it much but it's fancy and I like the idea of it and am trying to develop my taste for it, so I got a cappucino (only coffee name I could think of when he said 'flat white?' and i was like: no you bum what do you think i am some kind of coffee ameteur??).
Anyway so I walked to the beach and sat there watching the cockatoos and sipping it and feeling happy with myself and thinking 'this is the taste of independence'.
And then I took the lid off
and there was still like 3/4 left
and i was like 'nooOOOOO how do i finish this it's actually kinda ew'
so i looked in my bag and found a chocolate bar and alternated gulps of coffee and bites of chocolate and i finished it!
it was pretty funny, and fun.
then i walked back to the bus stop and went home happy!
~end of today's story~

Pretty

 

Have some pretty pictures! (taken by me)

Socializing

So yesterday i had a sudden wave of social life and went to two parties (pretty impressive, i know).
Oh and I got my braces off, me and mum went into town for that and we went op-shopping and such which was cool.

Anyway the first party was that of wonderful missy Chanse, and I was an hour late but we played mafia (a kind of character detective card game) and musical hats (like musical chairs) and glow-in-the-dark hockey, and there was all this delicious food made by Chanse and her nan and one of those fancy cakes where you crack the dome of chocolate and theres a cake underneath. It was a great party!

And the second party was a Eurovision party at school (I'm such a cool kid ay). I wasn't a Eurovison fan but I went anyway cause hey party, and it was really fun!! We basically bought food and flag to wave and watched the competition and had a poll thing and cheered for the sexy people and weirdo songs and it was generally quite awesome! So I am now addicted to Eurovision, thanks to Claire.

Old chest

My weekend project at the moment is re-styling my room with a vintage theme, and im finding it awesome fun so im going to write a post about it.

It started when I went to a market and bought this cute retro stool with a fluffy seat and curly wire legs, and I brought it home and got really enthusiastic about how to make my room suit it, and i have spent the weeks since finding bits and bobs and scanning op-shops and contemplating layouts, and I've landed on a pretty cheap conversion plan.
(Soz to those of you who aren't interested in design cause im gonna rave for a while about how cool its going to be so you don't need to read this post.)

Basically, it is as follows:
1. Clean and tidy my room as it is and get rid of all the crap i don't use. This mightn't be the funnest bit but it's really satisfying to send load after load off to the op-shop, and I'm aiming to get rid of one whole bookshelf so I can replace it with nice vintage things.
2. Vintage-ify my boring bed and set of drawers. Perhaps not going to end up with perfectly ligit looking old furniture, but it's cheap and easy - pretty much just means painting them nice colours (maybe a little bit of sanding off for the aged effect) and replacing the drawer handles with old-style ones.
3. Move in my new (well, old) pieces of furniture!! These are my mum's desk, which I love, it's white (but with flaking paint and the wood and purple paint showing) and has cute curly-footed legs and two drawers; the stool; and the chest.
Let me tell you about the chest. I found it in the garage, covered in dust and chook-poo and full of spiders, but looking like it might be pretty cool underneath, so I thought, 'okay, ill scrub it up and have it as a decorative piece in my room'. turns out it wasn't quite that easy. I got it out today and started scrubbing off the loose green paint, finding lovely red wood underneath the dust. In the process however i discovered that the hinges and lock are rusted to buggary (one of them snapped off in my fingers) and the top and bottom are made of plywood which is warped and falling off.
So im going to have to take off the hinges, lock, metal straps, and corner pieces, and replace the top and bottom - i have salvaged some good wood scraps from our chuck-out pile for this. Since i won't be able to find any nice wood with the same lovely appearance, my plan is to upholster the lid and make it into a seat, as well as lining it with felt to put my craft things in and putting a tray. It's going to be quite a project, but it will be fun and I'll learn some woodworking and upholstering skills in the process! :D

So thats it about my wonderful room conversion, thank you muchly if you actually bothered to read it all, I'm just so excited about the whole thing that I wanted to rant to someone while the chest dries off. I'll go start sanding now, see ya!

Update: I took off all the corner pieces and hinges and the top and bottom, so it's well under way! :DD

Update 2: That was many months ago and it's still in pieces outside my room! :DD I have very thoroughly cleaned out my room though, and it's really spacious and pretty now and I got rid of the extra shelves so it looks cool. I'm not gonna do most of that plan though it's so long and complicated.

Update 3: i sanded it all, put it back together (including adding a bottom since the old one was rotted to shit) and it now sits under the stairs in my room to house all the soft toys i am too old to arrange on my bed but will never have the heart to give away. success story all round!